Young Adults of St Francis

When you hear or see the word “courtship” what’s the first thing that comes to mind? And when you hear or see the words “date” or “dating”?

Did you know that they are actually both one and the same thing? That’s right courtship is dating and dating is a form of courtship. If you were thinking that they were completely two different aspects to “seeing someone” or “getting to know someone” then no worries, because you aren’t alone in that belief. It’s just unfortunate that society has shed a dull light on the term “courtship.” But hopefully this gives you a new perspective and something to think about.

According to dictionary.com courtship means, “the act, period, or art of seeking the love of someone with the intent to marry, the wooing of one person by another.” Whereas, dating is simply defined as, “to go out socially.” If you ask me, no wonder dating can be perceived to some or used by some as a hobby; courtship sounds more romantic. Seems that one could be dating their whole lives and never find the contentment that couples have when they undergo a type of courtship. So where or when did we change-up the game? Well society thought that courtship was too chaste and outdated; finding fulfillment and gratification apparently wasn’t part of the agenda of courtship. Could they be more wrong! Dating was a more open sense of “trying to find someone who can fit and fill my needs.” Courtship has the implication of trying to fulfill ones needs but it’s not the main goal. Now I’m not saying you can’t use the term date or that you can’t say you’re going out on a date, I’m only trying to suggest to not fully live the life of what the term dating implies. Instead remember that every time you go out on a date you should look at it as a form of courtship. The main reason the human population goes on dates is to discover the potential in another individual, see where it leads, and if in the long run it will bear fruit. When I say “seeing where it leads” I mean having a healthy and respectable relationship during the courtship phase that could potentially lead to marriage and having a family. According to an article on Catholic.org, it was mentioned that courtship is where the couple in an exclusive relationship keeps marriage in mind as their end result. If when we go on a date and we don’t have the idea of trying to find our wife/husband, then it only leads one to wonder…why are you going on the date? Obviously you might not marry the first guy you go out on a date with but neither should you waste your time on dates that you see to have no future or a potential of a future.

Maybe the above is a little confusing, so allow me to put it in a different light. Gentlemen, when you ask a woman out on a date what is your reason? It should be to see where a potential friendship could lead to, perhaps that first date could in the future graduate to a meaningful relationship. Ladies, when you accept an offer of being asked out on a date what are your reasons of accepting? If the female population wants to be treated like a lady and respected while dating/on a date then treat the date like a courtship. He must woo you and as funny as it may sound, ladies are also responsible of wooing the men. That’s right, women are also responsible for wooing the men during the dating scene. How else will the potential friendship graduate to a relationship if the couple doesn’t invest in a little in-depth searching and wooing. It’s always saddening for me to hear when a female states “he didn’t respect me” or “he didn’t value me.” If the female keeps the ideal goal of what courtship suggests then ladies would be in more healthy relationships and will have less broken or abused hearts. There may be many of you who disagree and that’s perfectly ok! Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. However, I will remind our Catholic community, that the purpose of why we want to find our “other half” is to be in that sacramental union with God (marriage) and if God willing that union will create a loving family.

So good luck in the dating scene and remember, if you don’t want to use the term courtship then at least keep the courtship meaning and goal in mind while you’re dating! The results will be truly amazing…and also remember to be patient with one another because everything takes a little hard work to achieve the best results. As the saying goes “the best things in life aren’t free.”

Have a great day/night and if you’d like to read more than please check out this great article on Catholic.org, explaining more about the whole courtship and dating scene. http://www.catholic.org/diocese/diocese_story.php?id=23014

Yours truly,

A College Student